Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
