my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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