If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
