I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
