omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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