Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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