apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
