Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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