Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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