I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
