I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
