dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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