My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My boob is missing a layer of skin
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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