Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
