i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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