I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
