When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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