I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
