Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
