I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Define "chronic" masturbator.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
