How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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