I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
