you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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