We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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