Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
