Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
