Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
