ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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