drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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