Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
