Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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