Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
