I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
