how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
