I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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