I puked a lego.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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