why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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