god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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