They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
