Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
