Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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