i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
