let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
