they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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