I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
