Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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