May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
