I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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