Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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