I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
