i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
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I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
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Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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