im about as happy as oj after his trial
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
