We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
