in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
