and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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