Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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