i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
