they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
