if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
