6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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